Feminist of another generation

            I had the opportunity to visit with my grandma about the different gender experiences that she has had over the years. Growing up my grandma was one of seven children, four boys and three girls. From an early child there were gender roles established and the expectation to follow through with your work was a given, never an option. Times were tough and everyone helped out with different chores on the farm. The boys were responsible for the heavy lifting chores, helping with the field work and other outside jobs. The girls were given the inside housework and lighter outside chores such as picking the eggs and making sure the lamps were filled with oil to last the night. There were times when my grandma would have to do the boys chores for some reason. Everyone pitched in and there was no whining about doing chores.

            Lober talked about the idea of gender and its impact on society stating, "Gender, like culture, is a human production that depends on everyone "doing gender." We do gender without even thinking about it. Growing up my grandma never questioned why she was not outside playing in the dirt instead inside dusting the end tables. Gender is just a part of how we are raised that it never gets questioned. Society's perception of gender never gets questioned because it is the norm and expectations lead to an individual's sense of worth and value. The idea of dressing a child in sex specific colors is not a new trend, it is something that just continues to get passed down through the generations. Growing up, my grandma would dress in gender appropriate clothing and maintain a proper womanly appearance.

            These gender roles continued into my grandparents marriage. The cooking, cleaning, and housework was completed by my grandma while my grandpa worked outside. The idea of gender roles within the household was brought up in, "The Politics of Housework" by Mainardi. The idea that men are fully capable and smart enough to accomplish everyday household chores, they simply come up with different ways to not have to do them. Men use excuses resulting in the women simply doing the work themselves. Men will also do the chores subpar so that in the future they will not be asked to do that chore again. In my grandma's marriage she rarely asked my grandpa to do these tasks. However, in recent years and while growing up I remember my grandpa cooking supper for the grandchildren.  

            Early in my grandma's marriage she was a stay at home mother raising three children. She kept busy with the housework, maintaining a garden, and being active member of the church. Big life decisions were talked about and for the most part my grandpa had the final say. When the children had grown up, my grandma got a job. She took a job working for her brother in a local restaurant as a waitress. The job was to fulfill a personal need, not because of the need for a paycheck but the need to get off the family farm. My grandma enjoys the interaction with members of the community while my grandpa was content to spend the evenings at home on the farm. There was a sense of pride that came along with having a job. She was able to contribute to their financial success. She has always respected my grandpa for allowing her and respecting her enough to allow her to do things that made her happy and satisfied as a person.

            Within the restaurant that my grandma worked at, the gender roles were defined.  Jobs such as waitress and dishwasher were usually always done by women. Management, head chief, and maintenance were usually males. If there was any major issues it was usually left to the men to solve the problem while the women kept going with their other duties.  

            As with any marriage there were arguments. Openly talking and discussing their issues was the main way that they worked through their issues. While raising their children they tried not to argue in front of the children and never became violent with each other. My grandpa was raised in a family that did not really talk about feelings or openly show affection towards each other. Wexler mentioned "relational dread" being that men are unable to discuss feelings. Men need to be taught at a young age that it is okay to show emotion. While this trend is changing in past generations it was not acceptable or common for men to be open to their feelings.  My grandma enjoyed watching my grandpa as he transitioned throughout his lifetime. The arrival of grandkids caused him to show more emotion with all the hugs, kisses, and always telling the grandkids how much he loved them. This was something that early in his life as a parent would not of happened.

            A statement that my grandmas father had said when he was elderly was, I'm glad I'm as old as I am now because of the way the world is going. This same statement is something that today my grandma is better able to understand. There is so many changes in the world today with all the technology, constant bad news on television, and just the general state of the world. While she does admit that there are also very good things that occur. And doesn't necessarily want to return to the way the world was years ago either. The continued raise in the number of minorities and being able to be openly gay within the United States is a change compared to when my grandma was growing up. There have been many changes over the decades that my grandma has been able to see. She would tell you that some are good and some are not so good but there is not much that we can do to stop change.

 

References

Lorber, Judith. "The Social Construction of Gender" Trans. Array Women's Voices, Feminist Voices: Classic and Contemporary Readings. . 5th ed. New York: McGraw-Hill Companies, 2012. 126-128. Print.

Mainardi, Pat. "The Politics of Housework." Trans. Array Women's Voices Feminist Visions: Classic and Contemporary Readings. . 5th ed. New York : Mc-Graw-Hill, 2012. 414-417. Print.

Wexler, David. "Shame-O-Phobia." Trans. Array Women's voices Feminist Visions: Classic and Contemporary Readings. . 5th ed. New York : McGraw-hill , 2012. 141-144. Print.